is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize