I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Are we in a gay sports bar?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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