Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
