My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
