if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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