the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
