Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
this is an emotional support booty call
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize