Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
