my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
why do cheetos always look like penises
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
