O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it hurts more in the daytime
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
