We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
