bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
