the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
