I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I can't trust your balls anymore.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
