Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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