Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
