he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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