literally had 100 drinks last night.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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