I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
