I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
