Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
