the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
