Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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