I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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