I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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