put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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