shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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