when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
