i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
