Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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