Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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