So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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