You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
