my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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