Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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