Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
