your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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