i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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