is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
