Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
