At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
