Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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