On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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