Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
