and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
