I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
