THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
