I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
