dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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