I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
