Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
