Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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