I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
