...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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