i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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