I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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