you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
