how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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