Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
