Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
