True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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