there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
