I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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