Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
