i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
