Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
