If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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