I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
