Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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