she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
