So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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