she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
