i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
