hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was like giving head to a cactus.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize