your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
