totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
