WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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