i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
