having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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