you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
NoShamevember. You game?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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