My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize