How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
