fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
