She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
