Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
