i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
