Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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