did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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