I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
