I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
