My sheets look like a crime scene.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
