im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize