i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
