She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
