We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
