There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
